Blinded by the light
You know you're lost too deep in a problem when you read something beautiful and brilliant like Andy's (no-longer-posted) piece on an old flame and a confusing breakup, and you can't draw any conclusions or even tell whether it applies to you. So much insight, so inaccessible, so far outside your tiny little momentary, contextual, idiosyncratic frame of reference. It's so easy to overthink and underfeel, or the other way around. Have you ever been stuck in a place where you every decision you make seems, in short-term hindsight, to be the wrong one? It's paralyzing. It feels better to be stagnant than to risk making things worse. Inner compass, where art thou?
Comments
Well, Xy, thanks for the link, but you might as well delete it. I was wholly and completely busted today and had to _withdraw_ the piece.
I thought that framing the piece as a memoir, sticking to my own point-of-view on the experience, and adhering to strict anonymoity was a safe way to approach the topic, one year after she and I had stopped talking. I was wrong.
I learned that neither my experiences nor my blog belong to me. I learned that people who don't write can feel very powerless before those who do. I learned that obligations don't turn into freedom when they expire. They just expire.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and for hosting this droplet of vitriol. I'm feeling extremely anti-blog right now. Maybe I'll just hang out with my friends for a while and leave them comments :)
Says Andy
29 Oct 2001 at 08:42 PM
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